mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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