you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
