Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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