3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
