you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
