i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
