I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
