The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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