Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize