you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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