I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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