i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
