what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
