She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's the barista slut.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
