you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
