They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
