Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
