mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
