i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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