90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
