I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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