she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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