I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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