best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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