He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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