well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
