I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
