Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
