So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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