I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
