his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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