I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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