Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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