some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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