Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
