NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
