Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
