i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
