its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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