Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
