exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
