New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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