the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
