she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
