Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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