i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
