I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
