Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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