Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
