last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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