Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
