Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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