the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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