he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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