glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
