FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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