Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
