I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
