I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i came on her dog
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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