dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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