I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
