I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
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As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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