Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
