so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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