First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
