I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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