I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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