I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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