just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All the doctor said was why
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
