is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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