He passed out mid-signature
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
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she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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