Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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