The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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