No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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