Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
