I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
