Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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