you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
