Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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