My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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