my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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