I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
