he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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