so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
