it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
