so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
