she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
