Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
